


And if a flower blooms in a dark room

by Lizicia



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Post-Finale, Snowells, blossoming into something, post-season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 21:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11022279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizicia/pseuds/Lizicia
Summary: Harry’s tinkering away in the lab when he has to pause in his ministrations because he can hear footsteps, and unfamiliar footsteps at that.He turns around and –“Snow?”She’s standing at the entrance of the cortex, the white hair pulled away from her face, dressed in all black, and glaring at him as if he’s interrupted her.“I thought the lab would be empty. It’s late.”“Sorry to disappoint.”Post-finale.





	And if a flower blooms in a dark room

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so listen. Harry's come back to stay, so he's at the lab, probably. Caitlin's trying to find herself. Insert some fic, some lonely summer months and boom, here's snowells.  
> Title adapted from Kendrick Lamar's "Poetic Justice": "If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?"

Harry’s tinkering away in the lab when he has to pause in his ministrations because he can hear footsteps, and unfamiliar footsteps at that.

He turns around and –

“Snow?”

She’s standing at the entrance to the cortex, the white hair pulled away from her face, dressed in all black, and glaring at him as if _he_ ’s interrupted her.

“I thought the lab would be empty. It’s late.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

He merely turns back to his work but after a moment's hesitation, hears her walk in.

To his slight surprise, Caitlin doesn’t stop until she’s standing next to him at the table, taking in his work.

“What are you doing?”

He picks up the device which looks like a more upgrade radio. “Ramon and I are building an interdimensional communication device. For the multiverse.”

“Your daughter.”

Harry knows there’s surprise all over his face because Caitlin rolls her eyes. “I went evil, not amnesiac.”

“Right. Yes, for Jesse. Opening breaches can be a bother. A radio is the next best thing.”

She doesn’t say anything else but continues her stroll of the lab, pausing ever so often to look at other gadgets they’ve displayed, and a little bit longer in front of Barry’s suit.

“Aren’t you going to ask me why I’m here?”

“Do you want to tell me?”

“No.”

“Then I won’t ask.”

She huffs but doesn’t speak again for a long time which allows Harry almost to finish the modification he’d been working on. But he can feel her in the room, glancing in his direction.

“Don’t tell anyone else I came.”

He shrugs his shoulder to feign nonchalance, giving it more emphasis than he would. “Nothing much to tell.”

And she’s gone.

* * *

 

When Julian wonders how soon before they can approach Caitlin again, and whether they should seek her out more actively to make her take the cure he procured, Harry stays silent.

It’s not that he doesn’t understand the other man’s worry and concern but he finds himself caring more about what Caitlin wants, and what she asked of him.

Nothing new about that.

* * *

 

It takes a solid two weeks before she comes to the lab again, in the dead of the night.

It doesn’t escape his notice that it’s the first time in those two weeks that he’s been the only one in the lab so she’s guaranteed not to meet anyone else.

This time, she walks in with less of that false bravado, and he thinks he can truly see Caitlin underneath the outer layer, behind the façade she’s so careful about putting up.

The cure Julian made is right there in the open, and she stops dead once she spots it.

“So you’ve concocted a plan to make me take it now? I said I didn’t want it.”

He can hear the slight anxiety in her voice that belies her true feelings, no matter how confrontational she tries to seem.

She’s more scared than anything, and he mentally curses Julian for thinking it would be a good idea to leave this out in the open, _“in case Caitlin comes around and sees it”_.

“I’m not going to make you do anything, Snow. That was Julian’s idea.”

“So you told them I came.”

“No. He’s just very hopeful.”

She moves closer now, not taking her eyes off the vial; the apprehension on her face is clear. That thing in there could potentially rewrite her DNA, could turn her back into the scientist she’s never stopped being, could banish Killer Frost for good.

He can’t say he fully understands her reasoning for not wanting it but he supposes it’s not his place to tell her what to do. Doesn’t seem like that would go down too well.

“He wants me to go back to who I was. Caitlin Snow. But that wouldn’t really help. I’m not Barry, I can’t erase what’s happened.”

And so, it clicks.

“Because you’d still remember all that you’ve done as Killer Frost.”

She sits next to him behind the cortex round table and he can feel her gaze on him.

“So you agree – I’d always be Killer Frost.”

He shakes his head; that implication is way more damning than anything he’s wanted to think of her these past weeks.

“I think you were Killer Frost. But you also were Caitlin Snow. Now, you don’t know how to combine those two sides of yourself. You don’t want to be a supervillain but you can’t just go back to being Dr. Snow either.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Pretend that you know anything about what I’ve been through. I don’t like it.”

He feels something spark inside himself, and despite having decided to remain calm and collected, he wants to crack that tough cold exterior she keeps forcing on herself, to show her that her willful alienation will not succeed in the team casting her aside.

“In case you’ve forgotten – and I know you haven’t – I worked with Zoom. And even after that, the team let me stay. They would believe I was not the villain. I’m still not sure I believe it, though.”

She eyes him critically for a moment, no doubt thinking back to the moment it was all revealed, the moment he was ready to accept the punishment for everything he’d done. Instead, he got atonement which he’s still trying to earn.

“But you’re not a meta yourself. You just wanted to save your daughter. I never had such a…noble cause.”

He shakes his head. “In the end, I have still killed someone. That, I cannot erase either.”

Caitlin doesn’t seem to have a response for that. Instead, she picks up the vial of blue liquid and holds it up, as if in deep contemplation. “This would make me Caitlin Snow again. But it wouldn’t undo what’s been done.”

“They wouldn’t expect you to.”

She sighs deeply, and he can see her fingertips beginning to freeze the vial, just the tiniest bit. “Julian said he loved me. And then he made this.”

Though not completely unaware of the relationship between her and Julian, Harry’s a bit surprised at such bold confessions, though it casts all of Julian’s intentions in a slightly different light. People have always done wild things for love.

“He wants to help.”

Caitlin shakes her head slowly and releases the vial, putting it back on the table. “He wants to fix me. He broke me, and now he wants to fix me.”

It seems to make her angry, the revelation or conclusion she’s reached, and she storms off suddenly, leaving the conversation hanging in its place.

_You can’t fix what isn’t broken_ , Harry thinks.

* * *

 

“Someone’s touched the vial! I know she’s been here!” Julian’s almost ecstatic, staring at the vial as if something on it would give the clue to Caitlin’s whereabouts, or state of mind, or anything.

“Any one of us could have moved it, Julian. Just…give it time.” Cisco’s the voice of reason who calms him down.

Harry opens his mouth.

And then closes it again.

* * *

 

The third time, though, he brings it up.

“Why do you always come at night?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s quieter.”

“But I’m here.”

“And you’re a big talker.”

There’s almost a smile on her lips at that, as if she’s making a joke, only for them to understand.

“The others have been asking about you.”

She only responds with a noncommittal hum, her gaze affixed on the cure again, now moved to Julian’s desk.

“He wants to help you.”

“Do you want to know why I keep coming here?”

“Only if you want to tell me.”

She purses her lips, and seems to be warring with herself a bit, as if she’s unsure what to reveal and how to reveal it.

But she goes through with it anyways.

“Cisco expects to see Caitlin, his colleague, his best friend, the scientist who will once again take care of team, provide the medical expertise, be a mental sparring partner, go with him to Big Belly Burger, and karaoke nights.

Julian expects to be with the Caitlin who wanted to give them a shot, who wanted to take a risk with another relationship, even if her heart was still so shattered. The Caitlin who wanted to build trust with him, who brought him into the fold.”

She takes a deep breath, and the undercurrent of something sad and almost lonely passes through the room, framing her thoughts and her words.

“And I can’t give them any of that. I don’t know how. Maybe someday but I can’t look at them and know that all they’re thinking is _when when when_.”

Harry thinks about stating the obvious, again, that _he_ is there, night after night, not a complete stranger, and she pre-empts that thought.

“You’ve known me a long time too. But…” She meets his eyes for the first time, and he’s almost surprised to find that they are Caitlin’s eyes. “But _you_ never expect anything of me. You’re here, and I don’t mind it. I almost…like it.”

If he were a braver man, he might say that he doesn’t dare expect because he’s never been given the permission to expect.

Instead, he gives her a small smile and a mock salute. “Glad to be of service.”

Caitlin smiles back, and it feels like something has been breached.

He purposefully does not think about his first departure from this Earth, one he had thought would be for good because he can still feel how tightly she kept him in her hug. And he certainly doesn’t think about her face when they met in the gorilla city.

In the end, it’s inconsequential.

Right?

* * *

 

He takes care to re-tape the security camera footage every night after she’s left, masking over her time at the lab so that if Cisco were to examine the footage – or Julian – there would be nothing but him working, and then an empty lab.

He gave her his word about not telling the team, after all.

And if this goes beyond lying by omission into willfully concealing the evidence, then, well, he doesn’t dwell on it.

* * *

 

She comes and goes sporadically, and they almost develop a routine, even if her visits are unpredictable in nature. They talk about everything and nothing, and he relearns everything he already knew about Caitlin Snow. This time, however, it feels purposeful, even if he hasn’t figured out what the purpose is yet.

It’s a nice routine to have, to pass the time when everyone in the lab is operating under the funk of Barry’s absence.

She becomes more open over time, more relaxed. It reminds him of the time when they would work together on the serum, spending long hours together and he learned for the first time how extraordinary she was.

And then one night, just as they’re discussing how her powers must manifest within her DNA, and she’s laughing at something, it all comes crashing down as Julian unexpectedly walks into the lab.

And almost runs into the table.

“Caitlin?”

They both startle, caught unaware, as they haven’t had reason to expect anyone else in the dead of the night before.

Julian’s gaze flutters in the room, from him to Caitlin, to their casual and easy stance, and Harry can almost see the moment Julian reaches some kind of conclusion.

“This isn’t the first time you’ve been here.”

“No.” Her voice is calm but he can tell she’s a bit irritated at the accusing note in Julian’s voice.

“I don’t understand. Have you taken the cure?”

But they can all see the vial still in its place, still filled with the cure, untouched.

Harry decides to take himself out of what is ramping up to be a rather unpleasant equation.

“I should give you two some space.”

He walks past Julian who gives him a confused look but he refuses to feel any kind of guilt.

There is nothing to feel guilty about.

* * *

 

The next morning, in front of the rest of the team, Julian demands an explanation.

“How could you not tell me that she was coming here? You know how much she means to me.”

“I did what she asked me to do.”

From the pained look on Julian’s face, he can guess that he has been made aware of that fact too.

“That doesn’t matter! You should’ve told us a long time ago; I was worried sick about her. Worried that she was somewhere alone, and not knowing what she was doing.”

“Julian, I’m sure she explained it all to you. What Caitlin wants to do, is up to her. It was not for me to decide that we should all ambush her when it was clear that she didn’t want it.”

“It was not yours to decide that I shouldn’t see her!”

Julian almost shouts at him, and there it is. Jealousy, that ugly beast.

Harry’s been thinking of Caitlin this whole time, accepting her choice of coming to see only him because she’s wanted that all along.

He’s never stopped to consider that his reasons for not telling anyone else might not have been only about her wishes.

“Okay, Julian, stop. I know we’re all confused here but the bottom line is – Caitlin’s okay. She’s been coming back to the lab. She just needs a bit more time, right?”

Cisco is the unexpected voice of reason, even if Harry can guess that it must not be easy for him either, finding out that Caitlin hasn’t tried to repair their friendship. But at least he’s trying to understand.

Julian’s still fuming, looking even more upset than before but he’s not saying anything more. Harry knows Caitlin must have told him something last night, and whatever it was, it was not to his liking.

There’s really nothing more to say. At the end of it, Julian’s angry, Cisco’s a bit disappointed, the rest of the team confused, and him?

He prefers not to dwell on it.

* * *

 

He’s trying not to be disappointed when Caitlin doesn’t come to the lab that night. It is probably to be expected, after what has transpired. He also knows that Julian’s walking around the lab somewhere, not leaving for the night, and he understands perfectly why she wouldn’t come.

But that just means he’s ever the more surprised when she’s waiting for him at the front door to the apartment Cisco forced him to get.

“Caitlin. Come in.”

This is a more curious instance than anything. Her showing up at the lab was to be expected; her coming to him so overtly, and especially now, is beyond anything he would’ve figured.

She follows him through the door and takes a quick appraising look around the apartment.

“Very impersonal. Suits you well.”

He gives her a mock glare for that comment but she merely smiles a little.

“I didn’t think you would show up today.”

“Ask me why I came to the lab.”

He nods, and decides to go with her request. “Why did you come to the lab?”

She takes a deep breath and looking anywhere but at him, talks. “The first time, I really didn’t think anyone else would be there. I just wanted to see what it would be like. Imagine being Caitlin again. But then you were there, and I discovered that…I didn’t mind it.”

It feels oddly like an important speech, even if he has no idea where this is going, so he finds himself leaning slightly against the wall, for support he’s not sure why he would need.

“And then…like I told you, I knew the team would be expecting so much of me. Yes, I had decided not to let Killer Frost win over me but I also had no idea where to go from there. And the idea of everyone waiting for me to figure it out, while wanting to get _their_ version of Caitlin back, was just too much. And with Julian, yesterday…that much was true.”

“He loves you a lot.”

Harry doesn’t know what, exactly, compels him to say it but it escapes, like a warning. She glances over at him once, the emotion in her eyes not unfamiliar but it passes too quickly for him to identify.

“He thinks he does. Because he wants to help me, and fix me, and make everything go back to the way it was. But I don’t need to be fixed. I need to be heard. And you heard me.”

She fixes her gaze on him, suddenly, and he’s unable to look away from that piercing gaze, so familiar and yet so new.

It makes something inside him ache.

“I told you that you don’t expect anything of me. And now I’ve realized that that’s what I want. To be the new me, without expectations being placed on me. To be remade, of my own will.”

She cannot mean what he thinks he’s hearing, so he puts up his hand for a second, just to- “Wait. You should not go any further.”

“I already told Julian.”

“Told him what?”

“That when I told him I didn’t love him, as Killer Frost, it wasn’t all for show. I care about him a lot, and always will but me, as I am, it’s not who he wants.”

“What are you saying?”

She smiles, almost shy, almost like the old Caitlin would have, but there’s more determination in her gaze than ever. “This isn’t a love confession, Harry, don’t look so alarmed. But this is an offering. This is me, as I am now, right in front of you.”

“I…you’re wrong when you think I don’t expect anything. You need to know that.”

She hums softly under her breath. “I’ve realized that, yes. But that is not a burden on me. It feels more like a choice. And I want to be given choices, not demands.”

There’s a precipice now, some line they are hovering on, and he’s not sure he’s quite ready to fall over to the other side. It is a choice for him too, he realized that a long time ago, possibly back when he let her talk himself into staying on this Earth.

He’s just never dared to be aware of it.

“Harry? I don’t know how to do any of this either. But neither of us is alone.”

And that tips the scales in favor of what he’s been longing for as Caitlin steps closer and takes hold of his hand, gently but with clear purpose.

He stares down at their interlinked hands, and can really only think of one thing to say.

“Your hands are cold.”

And she laughs, so bright, so clear, and everything falls into place.


End file.
